Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
"Bone to be wild."
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.