There are phrases that narcissists use that can make you feel bad about yourself. These are not always obvious statements, because narcissists have an incredible ability to make a person feel completely worthless if they allow it and without you even noticing. The intention is that they are willing to go to particularly deep levels of negativity to do so. Unlike an average, mentally healthy person, such a person simply lacks mental stability, and there are phrases that narcissists use that can truly destroy you. Here are 8 examples you should pay attention to instead of taking them to heart.
1. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
This is not a genuine apology, even if it seems like one at first. When someone truly apologizes, they acknowledge what they did and don’t shift the blame. These statements are passive-aggressive and deflect responsibility. They also make the other person seem like they’re at fault. However, such statements actually prove beyond doubt that the blame is not on you. True narcissists have a real hard time admitting true fault, and you shouldn't let them get away without accountability for what they've done.
2. "You’re not worthy of me."
In a way, this statement is true – no one deserves a narcissist. Every person deserves much better. When a narcissist uses this phrase, you should remember that the real intention is to diminish the other person’s value. Narcissists think they are above everyone else and deserve only the highest quality in everything and everyone. In their pursuit of perfection, they fail, succeeding only by manipulating people with self-esteem issues, and you must not let them use this against you.
3. "If you didn’t upset me so much, I wouldn’t act this way."
This is a familiar phrase that makes the other person feel guilty, even if they were just trying to protect themselves. Toxic people crave control because they are insecure. They also feel that every time they get angry, it’s because the person in front of them somehow provoked them. This is a manipulative pattern that serves only them. The only ones who manage to stay close to them are those willing to worship them.
4. "….."
There is another “phrase” that narcissists often use – silence. Silence, ignoring, and passive-aggressiveness are common tools of theirs. They might sit with a blank expression or make cold noises to appear threatening, but in reality, they lack real power. When they ignore you, it can actually be seen as an opportunity for blessed peace and quiet.
5. "Why are you even friends with them?"
This isn’t really a question but an insult toward your friends. Narcissists see themselves as the central figure in your life, and everyone else becomes insignificant in their eyes. The best response is not to get dragged into explanations. Any attempt to justify your friendships with others will lead to further insults from them.
6. "Be careful, you don’t want to lose me."
This phrase is meant to evoke fear and anxiety. In the past, such a statement indeed made many feel they might lose someone important. The truth is that what is really lost in such relationships is the self – the sense of personal worth. The best thing is to lose the toxic person, because life will be much better without them. Don’t let this statement scare you again.
7. "I did it for you."
It’s important to be grateful for what people do for you, but there’s no obligation to accept gifts or actions that don’t suit or don’t bring joy. Even if the narcissist invested a lot of effort or money, you have every right to say, “Thank you, but I don’t want this.” This method is akin to the tourist trap people who give you a rose "for free" and then demand payment. It was their choice to do this, if you didn't ask for it, you don't owe them anything. Don't let them guilt-trip you into doing something in return you didn't want to do.
8. "If you loved me, you would…"
This is one of the most common manipulative phrases. When you say “no” to a certain request, the narcissist responds by claiming it’s proof of a lack of love. In reality, everyone has the right to refuse what doesn’t suit them. There’s no need to prove love by constantly sacrificing yourself. It’s better to love yourself, and if the situation doesn’t improve – seriously consider leaving the relationship.
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