What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
The painter wanted to feel the texture, so he buttered his toast with his fingers.
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
- Carl Sagan
Now and (Jay)den I like to make the first move
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
I love you for all the goofy things you do
I love you even when you don’t know the lyrics to our favorite song
I love you even when you snort when laugh
I love you just the way you are
This is why they say love is blind
(Anonymous)
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
I like big books and I cannot lie.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”
— Unknown
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Is your name Faith?
Because you're the substance of things I've hoped for.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was bored of just standing there.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
I beg your garden?
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
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