Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
My dear, I love you so much it hurts,
I ache to be close to you.
My heart beats wildly out my chest,
Without you I’m so sad and blue.
I’m dizzy with love, I fear being apart,
And despite the pain, I’ve got to say,
Please tell me that you know CPR, my dear,
Because you’ve taken my breath away.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
Girls just wanna have sun!
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
"Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I'll ever get to yoga."
- Grant Tucker
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
I'd love to see you s'more.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Roll over. I'll scratch your belly.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead.
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
There was a professor named Chesterton
Who went for a walk with his best shirt on
Being hungry, he et it
But lived to regret it
And ruined for life his digestion.
So tell me Ian, what’s the most Ian-teresting thing about you?
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Your hand looks heavy—can I hold it for you?
That Marchesa dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
Republicans Turned Off By Size Of Obama’s Package
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
I changed my password to "incorrect."
So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect."
Go to BabaMail
