Do you like short love affairs? I hate them - I've got all weekend.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
Date a soccer player. We can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions.
A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink.
His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."
And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".
The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Artists are colorful people who know how to draw on their emotions.
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Who’s ready to party their shamrocks off?
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
“I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch!”
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
Go to BabaMail
