Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Do you know why you need to get up early? Because you’re the sunshine.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
Anaerobic respiration reminds me of how you take my breath away.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Even Mozart couldn't make a composition as beautiful as you
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
Q: Patient: Doctor, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible.
A: Doctor: Who said that?
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
We are perfect balance for each other.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in?
Wow, your name makes sense because you’re truly Audrey-m come true
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
"Tom Tigercat"
Tom Tigercat is noted
for his manners and his wit.
He wouldn’t think of lion,
No, he doesn’t cheetah bit.
Tom never pretended
to be something that he’s not.
I guess that’s why we like him
and why he likes ocelot.
– J. Patrick Lewis
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
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