Hey girl, I’m not just going to show you the world, I’ll show you the universe.
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
— Erma Bombeck
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
My love, you are getting up there
Your age is climbing high
I am confident that I should stop talking
Or I may surely die!
Age is just a number,
Or so that’s what they say
And even though you are getting older,
I love you anyway.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
- Jack Prelutsky
Without you, my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
There once was a lady from Guam
who said, "Now the sea is so calm,
I shall swim in the dark!"
She encountered a shark.
Let us all sing the Twenty-Third Psalm.
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you call a professional beach volleyball player who doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Homeless.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Go to BabaMail
