Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
An elderly man called Keith,
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair,
He'd forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“I believe someone made a grievous mistake when summer was created; no novitiate or god in their right mind would make a season akin to hell on purpose. Someone should be fired.”
― Michelle Franklin
There was an Old Man with a owl,
Who continued to bother and howl;
He sat on a rail
And imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I'm just like an Easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Do you have a quarter I can Bora Bora? I want to call my mom and tell her I've met the girl of my dreams.
If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
A round of Santa-plause, please.
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
Babe, all the trail leads straight to you.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
I'm like acetaminophen. I'll make sure all your pains go away when we're together.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Paddy like a rockstar.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
Having been thrown out of cartoon art school, he was in suspended animation.
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