What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate.
I wish you something, just can’t remember,
Don’t be upset, you’re my family member.
It was clearly, on my mind,
With so many thoughts, it’s hard to find.
Visions appear of colorful balloons,
In the background I hear those fine tunes.
Near the end of the dream, I can taste a delicious cake,
It must be your birthday, as I awake.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
There was an Old Man of the Wrekin
Whose shoes made a horrible creaking
But they said, 'Tell us whether,
Your shoes are of leather,
Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?'
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Do you know about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
You really flipturn me on.
My friend asked me whether I was ready to pick apples this fall? I apple-solutely was.
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Are you the black line at the bottom of the pool? Cause I can’t tear my eyes away from you.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Programmer:
A machine that turns coffee into code.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
Joe Girard
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward, I just want to have dinner with you.
Hey girl, I hope you see that I'm not like all the otters!
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
How do you pronounce Jasmine? Because in my head it’s “Jas-MINE”.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
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