A dear old man has been having trouble making love to his wife due to impotency. He has tried pills, oils, anything he can get his hands on, but nothing works. He researched online, asked every online expert he could think of - to no avail. He tells his buddy about this, and his buddy says "I know a witch doctor who has a remedy for this. Go see her, she will help you out. The old man goes to the witch doctor and explains his problems. "I know just the thing," she says, and hands him a potion. "Drink this. When you are ready, just say 'one, two, three.' Your problems will be solved. When you are finished, your partner must say, 'one, two, three, four,' and that will be that. You can only use this potion once every full moon." Excited to try this new remedy, he makes his way home in a haste. That night, things are starting to get hot and heavy. He turns around and says "one, two three." Just like that, he is hard as a rock, like he was 18 again. He faces his wife, ready to go. Impressed, his wife stared at him and said, "Wow, that looks great. But what did you say 'one, two, three,' for?"

An old lady walked into the Bank of America with a huge bag of money. She told the receptionist that she would like to meet the president of the bank as she wanted to deposit a large sum of money. The receptionist objected but the old lady wouldn’t move, so with no option left she went inside the office. She came back and said, “You are lucky this morning, He will see you!” Bank president: "How can I help you madam?" She (Old Lady): "I would like to open a new account and deposit this money." He: "How much money do you like to deposit?" She: "$180,000 Please." (Started dumping the whole amount on his table) The bank president was a bit surprised. "How did you get this much cash Madam? We are not a laundering facility!" She: "Oh, it's nothing illegal. I make bets." He: "What kind of bets?" She: "For example, I bet you that your right hand will taste like eggs, just your right hand and not your left. Lets meet again by tomorrow 9:00 AM. If I'm right, you will owe me $25,000. If I lose, I'll pay you $10,000!" The man is shocked. How is that even possible? But he's a banker at heart and this is easy money, so he accepts the bet almost immediately. She: "Okay then, I'll come around 9:00 AM tomorrow with my lawyer. Don't try to dodge the bet! No regrets!" Feeling hesitant before her certainty, he mumbles his agreement. It was so bizarre, he didn't even like eggs! But he was so tense about it, he couldn't sleep all night, licking his hands and smelling them to make sure they smell normal. The next day at 9:00 AM the old lady was there, right on time, with her witness. She: "Can I check your hands now Sir?" He: "Yes. Go ahead." She held his hands and started sniffing his right hand. Then she licked it briefly to confirm. Her lawyer started banging his head against the wall. The president, delighted with his $10,000 win and kicking himself for worrying, asked the lady what was wrong with lawyer's strange behavior. Lawyer: "She had a bet with me for $100,000. I can't believe I lost. She said she will be licking the hands of the president of the Bank of America at 9:00 AM today!"

George goes to the doctor after getting some very bad news about his condition. Doctor: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live." George: "Doctor, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer? I don't have any family but I really want to finish all the tv shows I'm watching." Doctor: "Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?" George: "Yes." Doctor: "Stop doing that." George: "If I'll live longer, sure!" Doctor: "Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?" George: "Yes." Doctor: "Stop doing that." George: "If it allows me to live longer, sure." Doctor: "Do you stay up late?" George: "Most nights." Doctor: "Stop doing that." George: "Alright, done." Doctor: "Do you have s*x often?" George: "Yes. A lot." Doctor: "Stop doing that." George: "Well, I guess, if it means living longer." Doctor: "Do you smoke?" George: "Yes." Doctor: "Stop doing that." George: "If it allows me to live longer, I will." Doctor: "Do you drink?" George: "Yes..." Doctor: "Stop doing that." George: "OK Doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longer will I live?" Doctor: "You'll still only live a week… but it will seem like a decade."

A couple is finally going out to a nice dinner. “The Magic Clown Circus is coming to town next week,” she said. “The poster says they have real acrobats. I always wanted to see one of those.” “Maybe next year, Lisa.” says the man. “I'm super busy at work right now.” The next night at dinner, before the man even sits, the wife bursts out excitedly: “The neighbors went to the show today and said the acrobats were doing the Macarena, the whole thing - on a tightrope! Can you imagine?” “Honey, I’d love nothing better than to take you,” said the man. “But you know Frank will be mad if I don’t get this project done in time." The following night Lisa gushed about how apparently a dozen clowns had popped out of this teeny-tinsy-tiny car and did the Hokey Pokey in bloomers and it was about the funniest thing the neighbors had ever seen. The man was starting to feel a little bad that he couldn’t take her, but he had a job to do. He left while his wife was still talking excitedly about goats doing the Cha-Cha. The night after, the wife was quite sad and morose. “Donald, My tennis coach said last night the lion tamer and the elephant rider did a waltz and it was just the most perfect scene!” she said. “It feels like we’re the only people in town who haven’t seen the show yet and they only have one more tomorrow! Oh please can’t we go?” Donald mulls it over and decides that this might be the only opportunity for them to see such a thing, and maybe work can wait. He calls his friend to ask him to cover for him at work the next day, and the man and his wife go to bed excited about seeing the show. The next day at work the boss notices his best employee is out and inquires about it with the friend. “Ah yes,” says the friend. “Donald won't be coming in today due to four unseen circus dances.”