“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip