“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry