"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green