“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough