"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith