“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark