My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
My dad thought Cuba would be boring. He's now Havana a really great time.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Traveling light?". He says "Yes, I am".
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.
I was so tired. I needed a sea-esta on the beach.
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can't see them taking off.
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
My little brother had to stay with our parents when we went to Italy. I was free to Rome.
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out