I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
My little brother had to stay with our parents when we went to Italy. I was free to Rome.
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Traveling light?". He says "Yes, I am".
It's lunchtime and the newcomer at my workplace is on a plane to India
Turns out, someone told him that the nearby Delhi has the best sandwiches
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
As soon as the plane was invented, things started looking up.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
A stamp
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
It's a-boat time we took a vacation!
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
Re:LAX