Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"