What do you call ten arctic hares hopping backward through the snow?
A receding hare line.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was excessively cool;
So she put it to boil
By the aid of some oil,
That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
Man: If your left leg was breakfast and your right leg was lunch, I wouldn't be able to resist snacking between meals.
Woman: If your left leg was yoga and your right leg was cycling, I wouldn't be able to resist kickboxing between classes.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
You are so hot, you must be what is causing Global Warming.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Isabella Isabeauty for sure
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Why did the monster truck drive on the sidewalk?
Because he didn’t want to run over the chicken!
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.