Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
Did you know that the Greek god Chronos was in the Mafia?
He was the Don of Time itself!
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
Quasimodo was the best detective in France.
He always had a hunch.
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What’s it like to kiss a vampire?
A real pain in the neck!
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
"Glow Worm"
Oh, I wish I were a glow worm,
for a glow worm’s never glum,
’cause how can you be grumpy
when the sun shines out your bum!
– Taylor Russell
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.