Let's Taco about love.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Want.
Want who?
Want, who ... three, four, five!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
The length of whose legs was immense;
He went with one prance
From Turkey to France,
That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
We have such great chemistry that we should do some biology together.
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
There was a young person called Smarty,
Who sent out his cards for a party.
So exclusive and few,
Were the friends that he knew,
That no one was present but Smarty.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
Ah, I always knew all Alexanders were Great
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In Ten Years
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Now and (Jay)den I like to make the first move
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
This is snow laughing matter!
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
I wish I had some butter for them biscuits.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Husband material.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.