A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Your beautiful face looks like a field of flowers.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
He threw three free throws.
From what I’ve heard, they Sadie only way to make a good first impression is to start with a bad name pun
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
If I had a penny for every time I dropped a penny, I would have none!
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
As the incessant rain washed away the blue paint of the house, the owner sighed and said, "Cyanara!"
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
I want you more than I want world peace.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
I can sea clearly now.
Can I slip one past your goalie?
Why did the cow go right up to the spaceship? To see the Mooooooooooon.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben knocking For 10 minutes.
How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk butt off the carousel.
I’d be Carol-ying if I said you weren’t absolutely stunning.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.