What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
I always get cuts and bruises because every single day, minute and second i keep on falling in love with you.
I heard kissing is the language of love so...
Do you wanna start a conversation?
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Call me Hamstring, 'cause you've pulled.
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
Oh, sorry I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another?
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
"You can't sip with us."
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What should the real name for a colonoscopy be?
A colonoscopoo.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
She fell into the bath tub.
she fell into the sink.
she fell into the rasberry jam.
and came out pink!
Sorry, I had a pick up line for you but I got so distracted by your beauty.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
There are some things that you just cannot say with a straight face.
"I am having a stroke" is one that comes to mind.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
I cannot think of anything sweeter than chocolate than - oops! of course, there is you!