"Just don't carrot all."
Wanna go outside.
Oh NO! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
I'd be Lyon to myself if I said I thought we weren't meant to be.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
I think we're mint to be!
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
The only thing hotter than today is you.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Can I show you my yellow submarine?
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Amanda.
Amanda who?
Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Can I wear your plaid flannel when I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton