Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
Excuse me, do you kiss strangers? No? Then let me introduce myself.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
I hope you're good at catching cause I'm starting to fall for you.
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
Babe, your beauty throws me off-beat
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Your love will always be up to par.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
You know you’re getting old when…
You need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Can I be Candide with you?
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
Irish you a whole pot of gold!
You’re so hot, you denature my enzymes.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
My life is so sad and lonley (why) because you're not in it.
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Denise sees the fleece, Denise sees the fleas. At least Denise could sneeze and feed and freeze the fleas.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Why did the lion cross the road?
He was bored of lion around.
Are you the future? Because you're looking hopeless and bleak.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.