I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
How many berries could a bare berry carry,
if a bare berry could carry berries?
Well they can't carry berries
(which could make you very wary)
but a bare berry carried is more scary!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
If we raced, I would let you win, so I could get a good view from the back.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Gas rig men grilled by villagers - The Oxford Times
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alfie
Alfie who?
Alfie terrible if you leave!
I saw the chicken quickly crossing the basketball court? Then I remembered that the referee was blowing fowls.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
“How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!”
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Better read than dead.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure.
And if she sells seashells on the seashore,
Then I’m sure she sells seashore shells.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
I'm lactose intolerant so please keep your cheesy pick up lines away from me.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
Girl, your skin is so smooth, and you smell good just like some new shoes.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
Are you made of apples? Cause you sure look sweet as pie.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
In case of an emergency, pull down the zipper on my pants.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Baby, you can drive my car if we let it be.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
I’m like the smell of chlorine – I’ll never leave you.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.