I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I find you very a-peeling.
What kind of soup can you make with cool beans?
Chilly!
Hey girl, are you Morphine? 'Cause, you take my pain away.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
All this lidocaine and I still have feelings for you.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
If I had $10 for every virus on my computer, I could buy a new computer.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
Hey Erin, ever heard that sharin’ is carin’? Care to share a meal together sometime?
A young schoolgirl named Rose,
Is rather ashamed of her nose.
She distracts people's stares,
With the mice that she wears,
Hanging down from her clothes.
Hey baby, are you a shrink? 'Cause I went nuts when you walked by.
If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
Your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Are you a beaver? Beause daaaaaaaaam!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
You snow the drill.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.