What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I bet you’re Ethan better in person
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Will you be the Flin to my Flon?
Ants in your plants.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
Everybody romaine calm.
(give a dozen plastic roses) "I'll stop loving you, when these roses die.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Are you Rudolph’s red nose? Because baby, I would say you glow.
What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved!
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What do you say you poke-check me real quick?
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.