The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Every time I look at you, I feel like an astronaut. Your beauty makes me float.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What kind of vest should you wear in the fall?
A har-vest.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What do you call a big Irish spider?
A Paddy long legs.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What speech did Abraham Lincoln give when he went to Italy?
The Spaghetties-burg Address.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Thank you for teaching me about bargaining
It means a great deal.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
"I've found some bunny to love."
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
I'm Havana dream about you.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
How many Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The invisible hand does it.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
You must be a sustainably farmed mushroom because you’re really growing on me.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.