What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Wow, of course your name is Alice. Your body is a wonderland
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
You make me feel a lot giddier like I have eaten a box of chocolate.
Are you spaghetti? I want to put sauce on you.
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
A young schoolgirl named Rose,
Is rather ashamed of her nose.
She distracts people's stares,
With the mice that she wears,
Hanging down from her clothes.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
May I put my basketballs in your hoop?
I'd rather have Fingers than Toes,
I'd rather have Ears than a Nose.
And as for my Hair,
I'm glad it's all there,
I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the angry artist say? Don't get me arted!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Your fur is red, so beautiful, like an angel in disguise.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
A couple decades ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
If we're going to make love later, you should probably be there.
Icy what you did there!
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
I usually prefer cold weather, but only to a certain degree.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Are you tinsel? Because I want you all over my tree.
Are you Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for.
I'm the life of the paddy.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.