In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
Nothing lasts forever. Can you be my nothing?
Only so many
And so much to get done.
I’d rather take nap.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why did the Easter Bunny have to leave school?
He was eggspelled.
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
Sorry if I seem shy or nervous around you,
I have a bit of phobia, I'm afraid of attractive people like you.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
Damn girl, I must be an elephant. Because I'd never forget you.
Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a Fineapple.
Let's Taco about love.
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.
Everything I touch becomes felt.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
Come witch me to the party.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
I only date blind people. It's the only way to make sure they're not seeing other lovers.
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
If I walked a milimeter for everytime I thought of you, I would have walked across the Earth a million times.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
A talking horse walks into a bar one day.
He goes up to the manager and asks him, "Excuse me, good sir, are you hiring?"
The manager is surprised to see a talking horse and he looks him up and down before saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring. Why don't you try the circus?"
The horse says, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Are you religious?
Because your prayers have just been answered.
The ref better give me 2 for hooking, 'cause baby I'm hooked on you.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Happy birthday”- these two words
Are very often said
Many times and everywhere
They have been heard and read
If I use these oldish words
Believe me, that it’s true
From the bottom of my heart
They spring and just for you
(Horst Winkler)
Who pulled off the greatest hat trick in history?
Joseph Smith.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.