What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Your smile is like a supernova. Brighter than anything in the universe.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
“I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.” — Joan Rivers
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
“Arguing with a fool proves there are two.”
– Doris M. Smith
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Sorry do you have a rope on you?
I got lost in your eyes and need help getting out
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
Is your name Rapunzel, cause I need a girl who never leaves the bedroom and constantly wants me to pull her hair?
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
I think you just tripped me, 'cause I just fell for you.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
I know you’ve turned me down before, but I’m asking for an extra shot.
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
My love for you is like cancer, it just keeps growing and growing.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.