Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
I love you more than the sun and moon
I loved you since you left the womb
I love you though you are quite hairy
And I never find it scary
Even when you pick your toes
My love for you only grows
(Anonymous)
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Hey, you're pretty and I'm cute. Together we'd be pretty cute
Sorry, I don't believe in love at first sight. But I am willing to make an exception in your case.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
"Grandparent Rap"
It's Grandparents' Day and we're here to say,
"We love our Grandparents in a major way."
So sit right down and take a seat,
And we'll put on a show that can't be beat!
Some Grandparents are skinny. Some eat a lot.
Some are funny. Some are not.
Some short, some tall, some big, some small.
It doesn't matter. We love them all.
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
What did summer say to spring?
Help – I’m about to fall!
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hey baby are you a boxer? You should try it, because your one hell of a knock out!
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
I like you, you croc my world.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
If you were here, Abby all over you
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!