What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Has anyone told you you have the best smile ever? Honestly, its Nat-a-lie!
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
I'm going to have to get a security guard because you're trying to steal my heart.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
There was an Old Person of Ewell,
Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
But to make it more nice
He inserted some mice,
Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your phone is smart,
So why aren’t you?
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
"Be kind, re-wine."
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
What do you call it when the preacher passes gas during his sermon?
A blast from the pastor.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Excuse Me, I’ve lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Would you like to come to my place and light my Yule log?
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
You must be a neuron, cause you’ve got some action potential.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
How to determine the gender of your cat?
pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
"Humor is reason gone mad."
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
Aww, what's your pup's name? He has such a sweet face.
Half of Italy is complaining about the coronavirus and the other half is laughing not taking it seriously.
All they do is cheese and wine.
You’ve got beauty like Petit Champlain and curves like Bonhomme.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Hey girl… Can I call-cu-later?
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why can't you tell dogs a knock knock joke?
Because they immediately start barking.
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.