How about we play a fun game called Haida totem pole?
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
You're hotter than a Bunsen burner.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn’t exist yet.
That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Did they over chlorinate the pool today or is it you making my head spin?
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
Girl, it makes sense and sensibility for us to go out.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.