Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Are you a 45-degree angle, because you’re perfect.
Want to get some air? You took my breath away!
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
I’m looking for my soulmate. Do you think you could Aiden my search?
What is a dairy product like as a partner?
They’re your butter half.
The food here is quite so-fish-ticated.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little love right now.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice be love that I'm feeling?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms? Santa Claus and his reindeer.
The snuggle is real.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
You are the best compression gear because you made my blood flow.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
These book puns have tickled your spine.
What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
"Time to wine down."
Damn girl, I must be reading a book because you are FINE print.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah it blue up.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland