When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What was the artist's favorite swimming stroke? The brushstroke.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Do you have the power of a volcano? Because I lava you!
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
Seas the day!
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
Are you going to a beauty contest? Because you are looking damn beautiful.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
I am glad my mobile phone has GPS because I am totally getting lost in your beautiful eyes.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Driftin with an attractor like you, baby, is always 'drag free'.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
Can I take your temperature? You’re looking hot today.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
If I supply the voltage and you supply the resistance, imagine the currents we can make together.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Your earrings are the mirrors that reflect the moonlight into your eyes.
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am a chemist. Want to get together and see the reaction?
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
You seem to be traveling at the speed of light, because time always seems to stop when I look at you.
A woman takes her son to the doctor's and tells the doctor that he thinks he's a chicken.
The doctor asks, "How long has he been like this?"
The woman replies, "Three years."
The doctor exclaims, "Three years! Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
The woman says, "We needed the eggs."
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
What is it like to get paid smoldering at the camera while wearing expensive clothes?
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
I am struggling to carry with this hiking but your great glow has kept me going.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”