You're as intoxicating as home distilled liquor.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Composers always score.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
I am a chemist. Want to get together and see the reaction?
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive.”
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up. You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Are you doctor recommended? Because I’d like to to get a Hailey dose
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Girl, are you an adjective? Cause you should come first every day.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
I'm sorry I'll have to confiscate your driving license...
Because you are driving me crazy!
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What did the painter say to the wall? Another crack like that and I'll have to plaster you!
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.