Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
I hear you're looking for a stud. Well, I've got the STD and all I need is you.
Lettuce go on a long drive.
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.
(William Robinson)
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
Call me Joshua, because I'm going to break down your walls.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Girl, your personality is so magnetic I think our protons are in alignment.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
If I kissed you on one cheek, would you turn the other?
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
I do not want anything fancy just you and a whole bowl of chocolate ice cream.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Even my new stainless steel cookware set isn't as slick as you.
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet
I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
If I had a penny for every time I dropped a penny, I would have none!