Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Look into my compound eyes and say you'll eat our young.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed?
You buy it from the cat-alog!
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Iran!
Iran who?
Iran over here to tell you this!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
It's not the cough that carries you off,
it's the coffin they carry you off in!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Your batteries must be low after hiking all day. Can I recharge them?
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
There once was a wonderful star,
Who thought she would go very far.
Until she fell down,
And looked like a clown,
She knew she would never go far.
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism?
Because you're making me breathless.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What are you doing hanging out in aisle 3? You clearly belong in aisle 9. Aisle 10 is within arm's reach but that all depends on whether or not you'll have dinner with me.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things. Eating.
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Tropic like it's hot.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was playing Fetch with a boomerang.
You’re so hot, you denature my enzymes.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
Are you a girl scout because you tie my heart in knots.
If I can't score, can I at least get an assist?
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
Hey I am like a Rubik's cube the more you play with me the harder I get!
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
I'm sorry I had an accident...
I slipped and fell right into your heart.
Levi's should pay you a royalty.
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?
They were cantaloupe farmers.
Wanna go back to my igloo and cuddle?
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
You’re my lucky charm.