When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Which one of your children will never grow up and move away? Your husband. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Irish you luck.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Of course your name is Amy. I can already tell you’re Amy-zing
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
I just wanted to make a good frost impression.
Your gloves are nice. Where did you get them?
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What did Santa name his dog? Santa Paws!
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
Longfellow is the known poet of basketball.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
My love for you is like dividing by zero… It can’t be defined!
Is it possible to scare a sasquatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
Only if you eggs-terminate him.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Make your own decisions this summer, don't give in to pier pressure.