Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
You are as cute and cuddly as a Koala.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
That was the punchline.
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Want to become my new personal best?
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Excuse me...Hi, I'm writing an essay on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
Get in the van.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
The baker taught his apprentice that to make a good pie one needs to bake it to pie-fection!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
If you wake up in a RED room, with no windows or doors, don't be alarmed, you're just in my heart.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
I am not your first love, but I would love to be the last.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
How about we get down to monkey business?
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!