I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
If you were a baseball field could I hit a homerun.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
I'm definitely in the range of your hotspot. How about you let me connect and get full access.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Who needs a sled when you can just ride me?
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
Even the Chocolate factory doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
What should the real name for a colonoscopy be?
A colonoscopoo.
How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
You're such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tex.
Tex who?
Tex two to tango.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
What's the use of having the best phone, but not having my number?
I feel like we’re developing some good chemis-tree.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.