Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
I think I found my perfect match
Do you have any Sriracha sauce? Cause you fire me up!
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Wanna churn butter with me?
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
I'm the life of the paddy.
"I always write “Wake Up” on my To-Do-List so I can at least accomplish one thing a day."
– Unknown
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
I'm training to be an anesthetist, so I asked the head surgeon "Can I practice on my self first?"
He said "Sure, knock yourself out!"
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
You might not be America’s Most Wanted, but you’re at the top of my Watch List.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
I only date blind people. It's the only way to make sure they're not seeing other lovers.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.