Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Double
Double who?
W!
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
I think you’re pretty Stella-r
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Could this be the trail that leads to your heart?
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'...
So I took her to a petrol station.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
Because they always get Lost at C (Sea).
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?”
- Francis Parker Yockey
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Join us for a slice of fun.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
That was the punchline.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
CRIME: Sheriff Asks For 13.7% Increase
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
What's an inmates favorite place to hangout? At the bars.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.