Scientists permit us to see the sun in different light.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
I'm an outfielder – I'll catch you.
Case in punt
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
I'm no photographer but I can picture us together.
Why did Hans cross the road alone?
Hans wanted to travel solo.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
After all is sled and done.
Have you seen any linking verbs around here? Because you are my complement and I want to connect.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore…
But he did have a hand in it.
What kind of tea did the American Colonists want?
Liberty.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
I’ve never seen a sleeker frame.
Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
The way you wear that sarong, it should be called a saright.
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
“Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
I‘m no photographer, but I can picture us running together.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
Do you comma here often?
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.