Do you want to share some valence electrons? This way, we can have a stable relationship.

What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her

I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.

""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni

I tried to write funny love poems for you,
I attempted as well some cute and silly ones too.
But it seems I haven’t yet learned how to rhyme,
So, I beg of you, honey, please give me some time.
One of these days, I will figure it out,
Until then, I hope that you will not pout.
Trust me, my man, you really do inspire me,
I’m just not good with words, as you can plainly see.
It’s not that easy to come up with love poems, you know,
So, for now, I’ll just find another way for my love to show.

(Unknown)

A space fish is usually called starfish.

I couldn't chair less!

Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
No, they both burn shorter!

What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.

If I was a robot and you were one 2 if I lost a nut would you give me a screw.

Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!

I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.

Boy: (Mimicking the sound of an ambulance) Girl: Why are you doing that? Boy: It’s the ambulance. The paramedics are coming to pick me up after I saw you, my heart just stopped.

What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.

What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !

“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.”

The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.

What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.

It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.

It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.

A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.

Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.

What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!

There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.

Can I give you a hug to show you how soft my sweater is?

Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.

It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny

What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”

Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.

Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!

"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
— George Carlin

Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?

How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!

Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!

What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

You’re the only rein-dear for me.

How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."

Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.

This event is sure to be out of bounds.

How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.

Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!

It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.

After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."

Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.

Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!

Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.