What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What does a bee do when it is extremely hot?
It takes off its yellow jacket!
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
Spring is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf.
If you use the church's WiFi, are you receiving God's signal? -- Anonymous
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
You're one in a melon.
Girl are we doing high altitude training because you just took my breath away!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.” — Timothy Burke, “Friends”
We have great chemis-tree.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Hello, allow me to hi-Jack this conversation
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
There once was a man from Peru,
Who had a lot of growing up to do.
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
-
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Are you the opening night? Because you make me nervous.
Hey, are you Cinderella because I see that dress disappearing at midnight.
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
"The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn in life is you’re the same fool."
Anonymous
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny