If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
I was having a pretty boring night but now it’s looking a lot more Evelyn-tful
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know, why?
To get to the loser’s house.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
The chicken!
My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
Wife: "Whatever means necessary!"
Me: "No it doesn't.”
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it’s kangaroo.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
A Peruvian pervert named Bruno
Once said, "There is one thing I do know:
A woman is fine,
A boy is divine,
But a llama is numero uno!"
I am lucky we are hiking together this evening.
"You are adorable, mademoiselle. I study your feet with the microscope and your soul with the telescope."
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
I heard you like math, so what’s the sum of U+Me?
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
Can you find the three errors in this sentenceeee?
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.