Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
If everything in life passes, why do not you pass me your WhatsApp?
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
“Fan the sinking flame of hilarity with the wing of friendship; and pass the rosy wine.”
— Charles Dickens
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you?
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
Are you a keyboard ? Because you are my type.
"You bake me crazy."
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lock
Lock who?
Lock who it is, after all this time!