What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
I've got a Victrola in my bedroom. Want to listen to my Sinatra records together? We could slow dance
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
You leave me Wonton more.
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Without you, I’d disintegrate.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine.”
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
You really mermaid my day.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
There was an Old Person of Mold,
Who shrank from sensations of cold,
So he purchased some muffs,
Some furs and some fluffs,
And wrapped himself from the cold.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
"Exclamation!"
I have a strange addiction,
It often sets off sparks!
I really cannot seem to stop,
Using exclamation marks!
They appear when I am writing!
Even in a shopping list!
If I don’t put one at the end
I feel something’s been missed!
It started as a positive!
It made people feel happy!
But now, I fear, it may bring tears!
It makes my teacher snappy!
Exclamation marks (!!!)
Can show how to command,
They show when things are exciting!
Or getting out of hand!
As you can see this problem,
Is one I now must end.
But, I can’t help but feel, maybe,
The question mark’s my friend?
(Anyone heard of the interrobang?!)
– Fiona Halliday
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
Amazingly, antelope stew,
Is supposedly better for you.
Than a goulash of rat,
Or Hungarian cat,
But I guess that something you knew.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.