What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.

Fall hardly happens here, but You'll be falling for me.

“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain

Babe, are you a virus? 'Cause, you're having an effect on my whole body.

Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!

Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.

Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.

We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.

From a frog: Hey baby, it's a future rose from a future prince.

The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.

There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
But has all the tomatoes he needs.

It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).

What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.

Eggs - the original boneless chicken.

You seem to be traveling at the speed of light because time always seems to stop when I look at you.

Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.

You don’t look like such a proper noun to me.

Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.

Your hand looks heavy. Here, let me hold it for you.

What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.

What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.

Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.

What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.

A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.

How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.

“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”

Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or—
Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!
(Shel Silverstein)

Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.

Up for some action? I can finish with one touch.

Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her

What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”

What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!

What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!

"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho

Oh, the heat! Doesn’t summer know – you’re all the sunshine I need!

Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.

What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.

What is the Easter Bunny's favorite drinking game?
Hop Scotch.

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.

What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.

“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
— Unknown

Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.

“I do yoga to burn off the crazy” — Anonymous

What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.

I’m so glad prohibition was repealed, because I’m drunk on you.

At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”

What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.

Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.

Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart.