Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s cold out here!
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
“Winter is like fall except you need five pairs of leggings instead of one.”
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
I like you a lily bit more every day.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
If you were a flower, I would pick you.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Wanna go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
“Happy Thanksgiving! This year I’m thankful that your family is so annoying you’re checking Twitter instead of talking to them.” — Stephen Colbert
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
Isabella Isabeauty for sure
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Claire.
Claire who?
Claire the way, I’m coming through!
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.